our first swim was the last swim of summer.
you said i needed boys that
smelt like the sea;

now that they are gone
and you are right
memories lurk down by the wooden boats.

things i didn’t know about;
i hate not knowing everything.
it is a reminder that the world exists without me,
that i am not a part of everything.

if only i had known then
you can only romanticise something when it’s gone,
like some kind of consolation prize for your loss.

i will shut my eyes, open my legs
and view the world as i see it.

i find myself wishing there was only one place
i had ever known you

so i could

destroy

it.

here are too many places that have part of me.
we drove back the following night and you said
we had won

and i knew by you saying it that we hadn’t.