our first swim was the last swim of summer.
you said i needed boys that
smelt like
the sea;
now that they are gone
and you are
right,
memories
lurk
down by the wooden boats.
things i didn’t know about
i hate not knowing everything.
it is a reminder that the world exists without me,
that i am not a part of everything.
if only i had known then
you can only
romanticise
something when it’s
gone,
like some kind of
consolation prize
for your loss.
i will shut my eyes,
open my legs
and view the world as i see it.
i find myself wishing
there was only one place
i had ever known you
so i could
destroy it.
here are too many places that have
part of me.
we drove back the following night
and you said
we had won
and i knew by you saying it
that we hadn’t.