our first swim was the last swim of summer. you said i needed boys that

smelt like the sea;
now that they are gone

and you are right
memories lurk down by the wooden boats.

things i didn’t know about;
i hate not knowing everything.
it is a reminder that the world exists without me,

that i am not a part of everything.
if only i had known then

you can only romanticise something when it’s gone,
like some kind of consolation prize for your loss.
i will shut my eyes, open my legs

and view the world as i see it.
i find myself wishing there was only one place
i had ever known you
so i could destroy it.

there are too many places that have part of me.
we drove back the following night and you said

we had won

and i knew by you saying it that we hadn’t.