our first swim was the last swim of summer.


you said i needed boys that
smelt like the sea;



now that they are gone
and you are right

memories lurk down by the wooden boats.
things i didn’t know about;


i hate not knowing everything.

it is a reminder that the world exists without me,
that i am not a part of everything.
if only i had known then



you can only romanticise something when it’s gone,
like some kind of consolation prize for your loss.



i will shut my eyes, open my legs
and view the world as i see it.
i find myself wishing there was only one place
i had ever known you



so i could destroy it.

there are too many places that have part of me.
we drove back the following night and you said
we had won
and i knew by you saying it

that we hadn’t.