our first
swim was the
last swim of








summer.



you said i needed boys that


smelt like



the

sea;



now that they are gone


and you are right

memories lurk down by the

wooden boats.
things i didn’t
know
about




;


i hate not knowing


everything.

it is a reminder that
the world
exists without me,
that i am not a part of everything.



if only i had known then



you can only romanticise something
when it’s gone,
like some kind of consolation prize for your






loss.



i will shut my eyes,




open my legs



and view the world as i see it.
i find myself wishing there was only one place

i

had
ever

known


you



so i could destroy it.

there are too many places that have part of me.
we drove back the following night
and you said
we had


won
and i knew by you saying it

that
we

hadn’t.