our first swim was the last swim of summer. you said i needed boys that smelt like the sea; now that they are gone and you are right

memories lurk down by the wooden boats. things i didn’t know about;


i hate not knowing everything.


it is a reminder that the world exists without me,


that i am not a part of everything.


if only i had known then you can only romanticise something when it’s gone, like some kind of consolation prize for your loss.




i will shut my eyes,




open my legs




and view the world as i see it.





i find myself wishing there was only one place
i had ever known you so i could destroy it.

there are too many places that have part of me. we drove back the following night and you said we had won and i knew by you saying it

that we hadn’t.