our first swim was the last swim of summer. you said i needed boys that smelt like the sea; now that they are gone and you are right

memories lurk down by the wooden boats. things i didn’t know about; i hate not knowing everything. it is a reminder that the world exists without me, that i am not a part of everything.

if only i had known then you can only romanticise something when it’s gone, like some kind of consolation prize for your loss. i will shut my eyes, open my legs and view the world as i see it.

i find myself wishing there was only one place i had ever known you so i could destroy it. there are too many places that have part of me.

we drove back the following night and you said we had won and i knew by you saying it that we

hadn’t.