BEHIND | AHEAD

our first swim was the last swim of summer. you said i needed boys that smelt like the sea; now that they are gone and you are right memories lurk down by the wooden boats. things i didn’t know about;

i hate not knowing everything. it is a reminder that the world exists without me,

that i am not a part of

everything.

if only i had known then you can only romanticise something when it’s gone, like some kind of consolation prize for your loss. i will shut my eyes,

open my legs

and view the world as i see it.

i find myself wishing there was only one place i had ever known you so i could destroy it. there are too many places that have part of me. we drove back the following night and you said we had won and i knew by you saying it that we hadn’t.